to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
