he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
