Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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