We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
