they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
When are your genitals available?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
