Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
