no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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