Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
