i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
