So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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