Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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