how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
