he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
