Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
