a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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