I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
