I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
