despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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