His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
