We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
