My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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