I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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