remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
