Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
