my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
