no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
