Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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