He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just pee around me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
