I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
