Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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