Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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