I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
