seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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