Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
