If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
