if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
