so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
