woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
