Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
