i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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