i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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