i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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