Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
