She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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