It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Someone signed my nipple.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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