i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
