somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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