i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My vagina is very pro this idea
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
