She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
