So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
